Lifeguard has a great new post up on ASF on how to deal with beautiful women, and the mistakes that most guys make. The post, with my comments:

People often ask me:

Lifeguard, what is it that really holds guys back from meeting women?

I say: I don’t know… stop bothering me.

Seriously, there are many different factors but let’s talk about something in our society that is becoming more pervasive year after year: guys placing too much importance on a women’s beauty and therefore acting nervous, needy, and nerdy around her. Then I tell you what you can do to overcome this behavior.

I was doing a one-on-one workshop a few weeks ago. My client and I are sitting at the bar shooting the shit, creating a good vibe between us. Then 3 very attractive women walk in the bar and sit down right behind me. Immediately, the client starts acting like a teenager looking at porn for the first time. He’s saying, omigod, you don’t understand, these are the hottest women ever… turn around… look… what I wouldn’t do…  You hear the same thing when strippers, lesbians and porn stars are on the Howard Stern Show (or one of his imitators): the guys drool all over them and tell them how hot they are, and how they would do anything to be with them.

Spirit Fingers Note: So true. By doing this, you have already lost the girl. It doesn’t matter if she heard you or not — you’ve just mindfucked yourself out of the pickup.

This isn’t to say that you can’t appreciate a woman’s looks or want to fuck her though. Acting sexual around a woman is unambiguously attractive. Appreciation of her beauty is unattractive though, when you are dominated by it. The reason why women aren’t attracted to guys who worship them is because they’re communicating very clearly that they don’t have enough Dominance — one of the Four Elements of The Sex God Method — to satisfy them in bed.

Pathetic behavior but this is not any major revelation. However, I don’t see it changing, even with some of the guys who are supposed to the top pickup artists and ladies’ men. Their ideal is still the getting a stripper, bartender, model, or anyone that society has deemed as the pinnacle of success with women.

What kind of message is this sending the women? Keep acting aloof, throw out all kinds of tests and hoops, have guys buy them drinks and gifts, and set standards that will automatically disqualify most guys who approach them. Furthermore, the more guys act this way, the more the women realize that this is a guy who really DOESN’T date beautiful women because if he did, he wouldn’t act this way. Guys who regularly date beautiful women do not ACTIVELY seek them out, especially not in any kind of needy way.

So, how do you overcome this mindset? Some advice has been given to “de-sensitize” yourself to these women by constant exposure to them: watch a lot of porn, go to strip clubs but don’t act like customer, look at magazines of beautiful women until it no longer fazes you, etc. I don’t believe this will work because you are trying to “fool” yourself and at the same time never taking the women off the pedestal. It will only confirm your innermost belief that you REALLY can’t date these women even though you want to very much.

Spirit Fingers Note: I agree. You can never “fool” yourself into believing that you’re high value. Building value in your own eyes is very similar to building it in the eyes of others — it must be demonstrated to have any effect.

The best way to demonstrate value to yourself? By learning to become the best lover she’s ever had. If you know that your sexual mastery makes you 1 in 1000, you’ll never be intimidated by a woman whose beauty makes her merely 1 in 50.

Mystery has a great line he says to women: “Beauty is common; what else do you have going for you?” You can say this to a woman and it can be effective. Also, you can adopt this as a belief. I think beliefs are not effective without actions. Therefore, instead of trying to meet the most beautiful woman and finding out what else she has going for her, go out and socialize with women with the intent of meeting the MOST INTERESTING women, and then make her looks and figure a secondary consideration.

Spirit Fingers Note: Here’s my twist on this. When I go out, I don’t focus on getting the hottest girl, but the girl with the best sexual vibe, who is subcommunicating that she would be the best in bed. Sexual vibe in women is fairly highly correlated to physical attractiveness, but not exactly so. While almost all ugly women are too psychologically damaged to give a good sexual vibe, there are some women who are 7s and 8s that give extraordinary sexual vibes.

While excess focus on getting validation from her looks conveys asexuality and a lack of dominance, a focus on her sexual presence makes you convey a sexual, attractive vibe yourself.

Is this creating another blind spot? No. The more you do this, the more you will realize that this is actually what you should have been doing all along. Sometimes the outward appearance can be deceiving. During the day, a woman in a business suit or in workout clothes may not look like as good as the hot bartender at the pub where you eat lunch. However, the more you connect with her emotionally, the more attractive she will be to you. Also, maybe when she does decide to dress sexy, she often will be as hot as the women who make that EFFORT all the time.

What is the bottom line? By not making outward beauty a FIRST priority, you will meet higher quality women because you have set your standards higher. It is more difficult to find an attractive woman who has her life together than a stripper with a lot of emotional baggage. Trust me, when I was younger I dated strippers and they all had issues that made it nowhere near worth the effort to sleep with what society considered a “hot woman”. Also, women will intuitively sense that you are not just one of the many schmucks who orbit the few flashy hot women in the bar. This is a win-win because you will be attractive to the many OTHER women who notice this, and even to the “flashy hot” women because you are not coming across needy.

Go out today or tonight and have the mindset to meet, attract and connect with the most INTERESTING women. You may find that they are actually the most attractive.

Proud of you………

~Lifeguard~