One thing that I really like to see is guys out there who really GET IT when it comes to sex. After constantly hearing all the misconceptions and limiting beliefs about sex that most guys have, it’s incredibly refreshing to hear someone who really understands what sex is all about.

That’s why I was pleasantly surprised to find this post by a guy posting under the name “qball” on Vin’s forums. It shows that he really GETS IT when it comes to sex, and that he really understands how sex and relationships work. And not only does he understand The Sex God Method, he’s also included some really great insights of his own in the article. You can read it below:

Originally posted by qball on Brisbane Lair

I believe there isn’t enough resources on the importance of sex in the relationship. A lot of girls say they need “good sex” in order for a relationship to work – but many times they don’t know how to explain what it is that they need! I find that good sex helps make sure relationships are low on maintenance and on drama, and high on fun.

1. Background
Girls have two mating strategies – one for the long term and one for the short term.

Long term mating strategy A girl needs to find a provider; someone who will take care of her –which means supply safety and food for her and her children. These are classic beta characteristics, and in pickup relate very much to long game (the 7 hours rules, Mystery method) which implies a lot of emotional comfort before sex. A beta male’s winning strategy is to show the girl that he has the characteristics of a provider and that is why she should be with him in the long term. This will allow her to maintain good social status for her and her kids – a steady one even if not an optimal one. Good long game makes girls sexually accepting to the male’s advances.

Short term mating strategy a girl needs a lover. Someone make sure that the genes her children have are a good combination of hers and another male with superior genes – an alpha male. In pickup this is related to short game usually (fast escalation, first night closes, Oracle method) which implies a lot of attraction before sex. The alpha has to show a girl that he has good genes (value) as well as that her social status will not be hurt by having sex with him – she won’t feel like a slut and society won’t judge her as one. Good short game makes girl sexually aggressive towards the male and in a pursuit after his genes (or sex with him).

Believe it or not, but for a girl to be emotionally balanced, she needs to have both. If a girl has a long term partner who is beta, she will still be in need of a good alpha male’s genes and would still be open to advances. If you have a classic FB relationship with a girl and give her close to zero of emotional comfort, she will seek that with other men. These two - lover and provider can be found in the same person, but are generally mutually exclusive. So, all and all, in order to have a healthy fun relationship you want to be both!

That means that throughout the relationship you have to always show your value to the girl to keep her attraction (lover type). Having your own standards and expectations in life, having a vision that is bigger than just that relationship is the right direction. Also, initial education to the kind of treatment you’re expecting from her side and keeping to it is crucial.
In order to be a good provider you have to make her feel that her social status is safe – you are always there to protect her. You will not let her suffer humiliating social circumstances which will make her feel weak and less worthy. Also, never fight with her - fighting with a girl always serves to push you two further apart. There are better ways to solve any issue in a relationship.

2. The two forms of sex
So what is the role of sex in a relationship really?
Most guys find the concept very hard to understand, but sex for a girl is an emotional experience, much more so than a physical one. And in this emotional experience there is sub-communication – much like pickup. Just like your nonverbals tell her more about you (body language, tonality, eye contact) than what you say, she judges more about you during sex from things that don’t have to do with the angle you penetrate her and how deep you go in.

Here I go into the two main forms of having sex: ‘fucking’ and ‘making love’.

Fucking – having sex with a girl in a way that is very dominant and alpha. The girl feels during sex that you are a strong alpha male, with great genes. This in turn helps you maintain value (and her attraction to you) in the relationship.

Making love – having sex with a girl in a way that makes her feel how much you care for her. The girl feels during sex that she has someone who will take care of her, someone that makes her feel safe. This in turn helps you escalate the relationship emotionally, deepen her love for you (and yours to her).

More on those later.

3. Relationship control mechanisms
There are two main systems to control relationships: dominance and drama.

3.1 Dominance
Dominance is usually more associated with men. It is the leading the interactions, and making all the decisions in a way that benefits both sides. Good dominance makes the dominated feel that they can rely on the other person to make decisions for them (even if they weren’t initially completely in agreement) because the end results will be a positive one. For example, setting a day2 with a girl – and making the decisions regarding time and place. The girl might not have chosen those places herself, but once she’s there – you make sure she enjoys it. She learns to trust you. Girls can use dominance too in a relationship, and you can expect that from HSE girls. Dominance can be both a long-term strategy (in growing a girl accustomed to be controlled by you) and a short-term one (in making the decisions in new situations thus effectively controlling them).

3.2. Drama
Drama is usually associated with girls. It is the creation of an emotional situation in which the other side responds with empathy to the dramatizer’s situation. In that situation, feeling what they feel, the dramatizer may demand a certain treatment that would be unacceptable if that level of empathy has not been reached. It is almost like a spell of putting the other side in their shoes. However, guys may use drama as well to escalate relationships, and the main example for this is the anti-LMR technique “freeze out”. A good freeze out makes a girl feel that she has turned you off and that she might lose you because of it. It makes her feel that you’re frustrated, but not angry, and that you can leave at any second – you don’t need her. The conveyance of this is what makes a freeze out so effective.

Girls would usually create drama in order to get angry at a situation in which they felt belittled or they have received treatment that was unfair from you. This can be after the situation is over, or while you’re trying to make your decision. If you are affected, you change your behavior, and have effectively succumbed to more control over a relationship.

Drama is very useful in creating boundaries in the relationship and maintaining long term standards, as a mistake that was met with drama which affected a guy would usually not happen again if not treated right – the girl learns that drama in that situation helps to control her man and the man avoids the so-called mistake. It can also be useful in avoiding situations if the drama is strong and immediate enough to make the other side change their decision (“freeze out”).

Guys want to receive as little drama as they can from girls. Being put in the other side’s shoes when they feel bad is emotionally draining. Maintaining unaffectedness towards the problems of someone you care about is emotionally draining as well, and becomes bad when an actual problem surfaces and you cannot identify it because you are used to receive drama.

Many times, way more than I thought, girls will introduce drama into the relationship when they are not sexually satisfied. They will not do it consciously. This will, if not treated properly, cause you to invest more emotion in the relationship, become more beta and lose value (attraction/comfort) in her eyes. So you want to prevent drama, give them good sex.

On a side note, as I mentioned before, it is important that the first times a girl introduces drama you act in a cold manner which implies that you are non-reactive to it – withdraw the positive attention she usually receives from you. This will be the only good form of punishment (remember – never fight with her!). Overall, some girls are used to control relationships with drama, and might be hard to wean – but the precedent must be set that this is not the sort of behavior you would accept. It is hard to define meaningless drama over real emotional crisis - but a girl making you feel guilty for stuff that you do, or even a girl crying continuously to you over her problems at work are not things I accept. Our time together should be happy and as a rule I don’t accept anything that would create unhappiness. If a girl introduces drama I will pretty often cut the interaction with her shorter and/or not see her for a short while – the hint is understood. This topic is covered more in Oracle’s Postsarging: handling FBs and MLTRs.

3.2.1 Girls need drama
Oracle writes in that article: “Women love drama. They think it’s necessary, but that is of course wrong.” I disagree, and I think he defines drama different than me. Negative drama as a control mechanism is indeed unnecessary. But girls (and indeed everyone) have to feel emotional ups and downs happen in their lives – otherwise they get bored. What’s good is that in a relationship you can provide your girl with that need for drama. Taking girls to incredible emotional highs is the sort of positive drama that prevents negative drama from happening. A great night of wild sex or you telling a girl you love her for the first time are examples of positive drama. As a general rule, anything that makes a girl very emotional (or opposite of bored) can be drama – be it a movie, or a show. If she feels like her life is boring when she’s around you, she will associate it with you and cause drama.

4. Using sex in the relationship
The best way to deal with drama is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Usually you can tell (if you’re aware and sensitive enough) to slight changes in the girl’s behavior – times when she changes from her baseline. Now you have to think to yourself:
“Is this drama caused from a lack in value or a lack in comfort?”

4.1. Detecting the problem
Examples for lack of value: You’ve let a girl push you around for a while, or did something that she wanted but you obviously didn’t enjoy, or accepted her opinion about something when you actually thought the opposite. Your behavior changes to be more beta afterwards and a girl is less attracted to you.
Examples for lack of comfort: You’ve let a girl down, by causing her to feel uncared for in a way that could cause her social status to be hurt. For example: you have been canceling dates on her, she has suspicions that you’re emotionally cheating on her (assuming this is a closed relationship) in a way that might imply that you’d leave her in the near future or let her status for you fall (from primary girl to secondary girl if it’s an open one) etc.

The cure to all of these is to realize them before they happened and deal with them in the proper kind of sex. Why sex rather then talk things over for example?
Well, people are more prone to change their mind when they are very emotional. And girls (as well as guys) get very emotional during sex. In short, the answer is:
Sex is the quickest, most efficient, most believable and most fun way to convey strong emotions.

4.2. The solution: sex
If you are losing value, fcuk her more. That means to both have very dominant sex with her, fucking her like a sex object, put her in positions that you like more, dirty talk to her. Having more sex with her than she would usually have with you is also very dominant, but should be dealt with carefully – of course you don’t want to force sex on her. If you’re passionate enough however, and initiate sex more she would usually not resist and get into it. The result of more fucking is to increase the girl’s libido or sexual aggressiveness towards you. She will have more attraction to you, and hence you have more value.

If you are losing comfort, make more love to her. That means, have very intimate sex with her, in a way that makes her feel like you care about how she feels, put her in positions that she likes, do things which are related to her pleasure (go down on her more and for longer periods), emotionally talk to her, let her control more of the sexual interactions. The result of more lovemaking is the increase in the emotional connection between you and the girl, and the increase of her sexual openness towards you (including the initiation of more sex or more adventurousness in the bedroom in general). She will have more comfort with you.

4.3. The importance of her orgasm
As was said before, sex is more an emotional experience than a physical one to a girl. Every sex session should be orchestrated as a narrative, starting from foreplay (or even starting with the time you spend with her leading to it, like the date) and ending in her climax. Girls are very romantic and story-oriented like that. And the narrative better have a happy ending!

Also, especially in dominant sex, it is important to make the girl come to prevent the feeling that you are a selfish lover. You care about her needs in bed, even if you fcuk her like she’s a sexual object. Fucking a girl like she’s a sex object is a big turn on for many girls, being in the man’s control, and by itself causes the sex to be more passionate and increase the likelihood that she comes from your so-called selfish acts (thrusting very quickly, fucking her when she’s still raw and not wet yet etc).

Her orgasm isn’t necessarily related to sex (although it is best if done so). If she hasn’t come during sex and you came before her (and hence cannot perform because of refraction time) – make her come either manually or orally. This will still be associated with the pleasure of the actual penetrative sex act. It is always superior to get the girl to come during sex in general, but I find that sometimes even getting her to come before you is both boring and predictable and detracts from your value as it may imply you’re less in the moment and preventing your own ecstasy for her (lower value).

4.4. The importance of talk – emotional talk and dirty talk
This is not to be underestimated. If sex is a story, the talking is the soundtrack. Making sounds in general is important, and if you’re not a loud lover, become one. But dirty talk and emotional talk have a very powerful function too. The more someone is emotional, the easier it is to affect their subconscious. And since sex is such a strong emotional experience for a girl, when you talk to them during sex, you’re talking to their subconscious. The messages you say in these moments of passion remain etched in her subconscious very powerfully – even if (and this is very common) she won’t remember what you said specifically during sex. So, make the messages very value/comfort related – even in a very direct way – this will work both to turn a girl more and for your longer term goals.

Examples for very direct dirty talk:
“Baby, you’ve been thinking about fucking me all night long. You’re such a dirty little slut.. You love having this big cock inside of you, pounding you like you’re a piece of meat. You love servicing this cock (if she rides you) and making your man come. You need me so much, baby – I give you so much pleasure. No other man can fcuk you like this.”

Examples of very direct emotional talk:
“Baby, I love you so much. Having my cock inside you, I feel how much you care for me, and I care so much for you too. I’ll always have your back baby (hold her close), and I’ll never let anyone harm you. I’ll always keep you safe baby. I’ll keep fucking you forever baby, giving you all this pleasure baby.”

4.5. Sex and relationship stability and escalation
You might have more fucking or more lovemaking in the relationship – and the ratios may vary at different times. In this sense, the sex you have accompanies how dominance/comfort you have with your girl. More than that, it actually helps escalate dominance and comfort in relationships. It’s just a necessary piece of the relationship puzzle.

Putting more emphasis on one sort of sex at certain times is great. For example, on her birthday, if you had an entire night which concerned her, with her friends all showing her how much they care for her and her being the center of attention – more lovemaking is only natural.

4.6. Orgasm scorekeeping
As a rule of thumb I follow, there shouldn’t be a situation where a sexual session ends without both sides orgasming at least once (unless consequences prevent it). Yes, even when a girl has her rags. This is especially important in the beginning of the relationship to show that sex is something you both mutually enjoy.

For example, the first time I had sex with my current girlfriend she was being a selfish lover and rode me until climax. After that she asked for a 5 minute break, which I was OK with, and after another 5 minutes she peeled the condom off of me and said that we continue the next morning. I wasn’t going to stay the night over that night, and I told her that I want a blowjob. Some shit tests later (”Am I going to be your summer sex slave?”,”Yes”) she gave me a blowjob, after which she got so turned on we had sex again. What’s important is that I set sex as something we both enjoy and contribute towards - from the first time.

However, there is no need to be petty! As long as none of the partners are being selfish, pretty much everything is OK. A lot of times one of the partners comes more times than the other and that’s fine.

4.7. Shapeshifting
It is also important to note the shape shifter archetype. The shape shifter is the best kind of lover as defined by Daniel Rose in The Sex God Method. Without getting too much into the content of the book (read it! It’s a must and inspired much of this article), the point that I want to make is that you can, and sometimes should change styles of sex in the middle of a session and even combine dirty and emotional statements and the relevant sexual moves. This is explained in great detail in the book, and I will not go into it here.

5. General relationship frame
I want to describe some of my beliefs about a relationship, which helps them stay fun, while I still hold a strong frame.
- She is always happy around me – we’re always happy together. Our time together is special and appreciated, and any bringing up of unnecessary bad (e.g. drama) detracts from it – for both of us.
- When she things that I like (compliance), I reward her by more of my time and/or positive attention. When she doesn’t I punish her by taking those away. This is a classic warm alpha strategy, as I never punish by being angry at her. I only do what’s natural for me – when I’m angry at her, I don’t want her around. So when she does something bad, she ultimately feels bad – however this isn’t dogs we’re training here but (hopefully) clever women; I never directly mention what she did wrong (unless desperately needed). They get the hint and I convey very little affectedness of my mood from her behavior. Your woman wants you to be strong like a rock. Credit to most of these ideas – Oracle.
- I make the decisions. She can suggest what we do but I make the calls.
- I’m the best thing that she has in HER life (rather than most relationships when it’s the other way around). I provide the highest emotional highs and lows and excitement and so leaving me isn’t an option.

6. Closing thoughts
Make sure your girl is satisfied – both by orgasms and the right kind of emotions she receives from you during the sex act. Act accordingly in the relationship as well. This will prevent drama and help maintain happy, healthy relationships.

Your comments are very welcome.
QBall