QUESTIONS FROM A READER:

Hey Dan,

I was wondering, do you have any tips on improving your stamina. I would like to last longer in bed, but am not sure how to do it.

D.G.

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Dan,

I was reading your blog, and saw the news about your sex book. Looks great, and good luck with the publishing.

A quick question…do you have any advice for getting a better, more consistent erection? I find that sometimes I can’t get it up, and that sometimes when I do I’m not as hard as I’d like. This is especially frustrating because I have no trouble getting an erection when I’m masturbating.

A.W.

MY RESPONSE:

I’m answering these questions together for a reason. Although they seem like opposite problems, they are actually just two facets of the same problem.

Both of these problems stem from a lack of Immersion. If you haven’t yet read by book, Immersion is the dimension of sexuality in DEVI that represents the lack of extraneous thoughts, nervousness and insecurities. It represents being fully in the moment, being totally focused on the present with no distractions.

You may think that stamina problems stem from being too turned on, and erection problems from being not turned on enough. When you think about it though, this doesn’t make sense.

Most guys who have erection problems, like A.W., are able to get a great erection when they are by themselves. It comes to reason that they’d be more turned on more by even a mediocre looking chick than by their calloused palm.

And, I can guarantee you that being very turned on does not result in stamina problems. I’m extremely turned on every time I have sex. My sex drive is at the point where I will sometimes get physically dizzy with anticipation when I am about to fuck a girl, because I want sex so much. And, I don’t have any stamina problems. Think about guys who have great stamina — I guarantee you that they’re not thinking about baseball or counting to ten in their heads in order to become less turned on.

In order to solve these problems, you need more immersion. You need to learn to truly relax, and be in the moment. When faced with these problems, you should focus on relaxation over arousal.

A summary of a few basic things to improve your Immersion:

Be conscious of your breathing. The instinct when you are nervous or you have unfamiliar hands touching your body in intimate ways is to take fast, shallow breaths. Be conscious of this focus on taking deep, slow breathes. Breathe in slowly and deeply from your diaphragm. Breathe at a slow pace, and pause in between your breaths. When you’re inside a girl, take slow strokes at first. Inhale deeply as you pull your dick out of her pussy, and exhale slowly as you thrust deep inside her.

Slow down. Don’t rush the encounter - slow down and focus on relaxed sensations. Don’t focus on the Dominance techniques we will discuss until you have first conquered this Immersion problem. Thrust slowly - make it match up with your slow breathing. Thrust slow and deep. Slowly draw your dick out, and let her feel every inch of you. Then, thrust deep inside her again. After you have both been warmed up with this kind of slow thrusting, you can slowly accelerate your pace.

Be conscious of the tension in your body. Similar to your breathing, you body reflexively tenses up when you feel nervous or uncomfortable. This can be subtle and almost unnoticeable unless you focus on it, or it can be a paralyzing stiffness. When your body is in this state, it is impossible to have an erection or any quality, or to have good stamina if you do manage to get an erection. If you have having basic Immersion problems focus on keeping your body loose and relaxed at all times.

Eliminate all conscious thoughts. This sounds simple, but it is easier said than done. A big part of Immersion is to be able to turn your intellectual brain off completely during sex. Of course you want to eliminate your negative and insecure thoughts, but you also want to eliminate your neutral and even positive thoughts. It is counterintuitive, but all thoughts, whether positive or negative will hurt your sexual performance. A true master in any art is completely without thought when he is practicing it. He has no negative or insecure thoughts, and no distracting irrelevant thoughts. He does not even need to mentally reassure himself, for he knows that he is a master on a level much deeper than the conscious. He has no distracting internal dialogue, and his actions flow naturally from him with no input from his conscious mind.

To achieve this level of mental stillness is the achievement of years of developing sexually. When you are first developing, a good technique for developing a basic level of mental stillness is to focus entirely on the sensations and feelings, and let them drive your thoughts from your mind. As you breathe in and withdraw your cock, focus on the warmth, tightness, and wetness of her pussy, and the pleasurable sensations it arouses. As you breathe out thrust into her, hear her gasp as she’s penetrated. As you thrust yourself deeply inside her, FEEL how deeply she needs to get fucked, and the fulfillment she feels when she is filled with your dick. Focus entirely on these sensations and feelings, and soon you’ll find that it’s impossible to think any distracting thoughts, which will greatly improve your erection strength and stamina.

Don’t just try harder to get an erection or prevent ejaculation. Another counterintuitive idea. The harder you try to get an erection, the more it will elude you. If you get frustrated or panicky, you’ve just lost all your immersion in the sexual encounter. You’re no longer enjoying the experience, and you’ve lost any hope of getting an erection. Instead, continue with foreplay until you are ready. You can eat her out or finger her in the meantime. Some physical techniques to use to help you achieve and erection:

Eat her out, and while you doing that rub your dick with lube until you are hard.

Rub your dick on her pussy (Only for girls who you no longer use condoms with).

Have her give you a blowjob.

If this isn’t working, give yourself a break from physical stimulation, and try again later

If you’re having stamina problems:

Try to use a position that doesn’t provide you with so much stimulation, and provides her with more. It varies from man to man, but generally the positions that provide the most stimulation for the man are positions where the girl is lying down and you are on top of her, such as the missionary position. More details on sexual positions and the degree of physical stimulation they provide are in the next chapter.

Have sex more often. If you haven’t had sex in a while, it’s natural that you’ll have little stamina. In the long term, aim to get multiple partners to supply you with sex at all times. In the short run if you can’t get sex in the few days before a probable sexual encounter, masturbation is better than nothing.

Use a slower pace. This is not a good solution in the long-term, because you need to be able to thrust hard for extended periods to take the girl to higher levels of sexual satisfaction. However, it is better to thrust slowly for twenty minutes than to thrust fast for three. Be careful not to overdo this though. Don’t fuck her so slowly that sex becomes boring.

Use more foreplay. Usually this is for her benefit, but if you’re having erection or stamina problems it is also for your benefit. This foreplay shouldn’t be to get you excited and ready to fuck the shit out of her, like it normally should. Instead, focus on it relaxing you and letting you become comfortable with her body.

Don’t try to be perfect. Accept that sometimes, you will not be able to get an erection and that you will not be able to last for as long as you would like. Realize that in a relationship, this is insignificant in the long-term. If you’ve been fucking your girl well and you can’t get it up once for whatever reason, it’s not going to destroy the relationship. Immersion problems of this nature will become more and more rare as you improve your sexual belief set, but even at mastery levels you may have problems like this every three or four months. Don’t beat yourself up over it, as that will only exacerbate your insecurities. Realize that it’s normal, and it’s not a big deal when it’s occasional.

Develop oral and manual skills as a backup. In case you can’t get it up, or cum too soon, you will always be able to get her off regardless if you have manual and oral skills. Although these orgasms aren’t high-quality, they will keep your woman satisfied in the short term. Also, just the fact that you know that you’re good at eating girls out and fingering them will give you more confidence. It is like having a safety net behind you, and will remove some of the pressure.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it provides some basic things you can do in order to improve your stamina and erection quality.

In The Sex God Method, an entire chapter is devoted to improving your Immersion, the dimension of sexuality that will give you greater stamina and erection quality. You’ll learn exactly how to relax and let go of distracting thoughts in bed, how to deal with pressure to perform, and how to eliminate limiting beliefs that hurt your sexual performance. In addition to this, you’ll get more concrete advice on how to improve your erection quality and how long you last in bed.

You’ve suffered with sub-par erections and stamina for long enough. Stop letting your sex life be ruined by these things today, and learn how to get the erections and stamina you’ve always dreamed of having.

-Dan

The Sex God Method Book

The Sexual Confidence Bootcamp Website

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