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QUESTION FROM A READER:
Dan, a question for you:
I’ve always been taught that you should hide your porn from women, because a lot of women are offended by it, think it’s degrading, etc. But, I have a friend who says that he actually watches porn with his girlfriend and she likes it.
So, what’s the deal on porn? Is it a good idea to try and watch it with your girlfriend? And, if it is, what kind of porn should you watch with her and how should you introduce it?
MY RESPONSE:
Porn can be an awesome way to add some Variety to your sex life. And this is important. Variety is one of the Four Elements of The Sex God Method. The more types of sexual experiences you have with a girl, the more fresh and exciting the sex will be.
A lot of guys have the limiting belief that women don’t like porn, and that they think it’s disgusting. This simply isn’t true — many women are intrigued by the idea of watching porn with their man
Only a small minority of women will be unsuitable to introduce porn to. The biggest category is women who have been in porn before, or have been strippers or escorts. They’ve seen the reality of a porn set, with the hot blinding lights, erection problems of male stars, bossy directors, etc. The fantasy element is taken away for them. The other ways of adding Variety that I write about in my book will work better for these girls.
Also, very conservative or jealous girls will probably become upset at the idea of you looking at another girl naked, even on a video screen. You probably won’t want to make these types of girls your girlfriend anyways, so this won’t be a problem.
Once you’ve determined that there’s nothing wrong with your girl and you can introduce porn to her, there’s a few ways to do it. The first is to leave it in plain view, and let her come across it. I do this by blatantly having a folder labeled PORN on my computer’s desktop. When she asks “what is this”, I say ” It’s porn, baby. Want to see my favorite?” Then, set her on your lap and start watching it together.
The key with doing this is to act like it’s completely normal. If you act weird or get nervous when she finds it, the porn is likely to creep her out. But if you act like you watch porn with girls all the time, and you’re not embarrassed to be caught with porn, then she won’t be bothered by it.
Another similar way to introduce porn to your girl is to invite her over to watch a movie. Get a blanket to snuggle under, some popcorn, turn off the lights, etc. Then, instead of a regular movie, pop in some porn.
Again, the key is to act completely normal. Have a sense of humor about it too… tell her “Baby, I know you wanted to watch “School of Rock” but I bet “School of Cock” is almost the same thing… look, it stars Jack Blackcock.” Make it something fun that you two are doing together.
A third way to introduce porn is when you’re swapping stories about past sexual experiences. There’s a specific way to do this that is beyond the scope of this newsletter. What you want to do is to tell a story about how you watched porn with a girl and it was a huge turn on when you see the signs that it is the appropriate time in the conversation.
Make it very descriptive - talk about how the girl started masturbating to the porn, or how you acted out the scenes on the video, or whatever sexual scenario you would like. Get her curious about it, and then say “we should watch porn together.” If you’ve turned her on enough with your story, she’ll agree.
Once you’ve got her watching porn, here’s some guidelines on what kind of porn to watch.
Watch full length films, not short “gonzo” type clips. You know the old style of porn, that has cheesy acting between the sex scenes? That’s what you’re going for. Girls need longer to get turned on than men, and the cheesy acting gives her a little more time to get comfortable. A clip that goes straight to girl sucking cock is too abrupt.
Also, you want to keep the movie night atmosphere, so DVDs are generally better than downloaded porn.
The quality of the acting is more important than the looks of the girl and the size of the guy’s cock. Remember the first principle of sexuality - psychological over physical. Avoid porn that features women with fake breasts and guys with circus sideshow cocks. Most of all, avoid porn with no dirty talk, eye contact, kissing, and porn which has the stereotypical ridiculously fake porno moans. I realize that this constitutes about 95% of the porn out there, so you may have to do some shopping around to find a good flick.
What you want is a film where the actors are really enjoying themselves, that looks as much like real great sex as possible. Where the guy and girl are both talking dirty, and you can see genuine expressions of pleasure on their faces.
Now, you know how to introduce porn to a girl and what type of porn to watch with her. How exactly do you handle the situation when you’re watching it?
Start off just like you’re watching a movie in your bed. As I said before, make it a movie night atmosphere. Laugh together at the cheesy acting before the sex - it will help her relax, and increase her levels of immersion, one of the Four Elements of The Sex God Method.
When the actors start having sex, start making out with her and feeling her up. Escalate slowly, giving her time to become turned on. Finger her while she watches. Then, take her pants off and go down on her. I guarantee that watching porn while you’re going down on her will enhance her pleasure and add Variety into your sex life.
Make her cum by eating her out, staying between her legs for a few minutes afterwards to give her time to come down. Then, have her go down on you.
After this, have sex as normal. Looking at the screen while you have sex is optional. Sometimes, acting out what the actors are doing on-screen can be great. Sometimes, it can be just as good to have sex as normal, with the sex noises from the porno providing background ambiance.
After you have amazing sex incorporating all Four Elements of The Sex God Method, hold her in your arms and talk to her emotionally. Tell her how great it was to be able to share that with her. If you just want to hold each other at this point, you can keep watching the film. If you’d rather talk about the experience, you can turn it off.
The next time you two watch porn together (don’t make it too soon - give it at least a month before the next time) involve her in your choice of films. Bring her to the video store, and rent something together.
Porn is also a great way to introduce your girl to new sexual experiences slowly. For example, if you’d like to introduce threesomes to your girl almost all women like threesome porn featuring two women and one man. The same goes for anal, or exhibitionism, or whatever you would like.
Now while porn is a great way to add Variety, there are lots of other ways too. Here’s a success story from a guy who has successfully incorporated Variety into his sex life with the help of The Sex God Method:
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SUCCESS STORY
Dan, thanks a ton for writing your book. I bought the ebook last week, and I blew through it in one sitting. I just ordered a paperback off your site. The stuff is really mindblowing, I never knew what was possible in bed until I read it.
Act II [which discusses The Four Elements of The Sex God Method] helped me the most. I realized what was missing from my sex life was variety - I wasn’t really bad at anything in bed, but I was doing the same things over and over again. I thought that it was a normal part of being married that sex became monotonous at times - boy, was I wrong!
The problem was that I never knew exactly how to introduce new things in the bedroom, or what kind of new things to introduce. Your book showed me all that, and my wife definitely appreciates it. We’re having sex much more frequently now, and it’s much better.
A.W.
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I’m glad I could help.
Have you ever wished that sex in a long-term relationship could be as fresh and exciting as the first time with a girl? It can be, if you know how. There are countless ways to introduce Variety into your sex life; you just have to know how to do it.
The Sex God Method gives you enough ways to add variety into your sex life to keep a sexual relationship exciting for a lifetime. Not only does it instruct you on how to provide Variety on a physical level, but it also tells you how to provide Variety on a deeper, more powerful psychological level. You’ll learn how to become the only man she’ll ever want, by becoming each of the four archetypes she desires combined into a single person.
-Dan
The Sexual Confidence Bootcamp Website
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