QUESTION FROM A READER

Dan–

I read in your book how the best way to get laid is to demonstrate that you’re good in bed. I agree 100% — I remember back in college when I was having a lot of sex, I felt way more confident and less needy. It made it way easier to get other girls.

The problem is that now, I’m in a dry spell that’s lasted almost 9 months. Reading your book helped my confidence a lot, but I think I need to put it into practice too in order to get that confidence back.

So my question is — how can I start getting laid so that I can demonstrate sexual value, when I’m not already getting laid?

Thanks,

E.

BLOG COMMENT FROM A READER:

You harp on getting better at sex a lot, but it seems like a chicken and egg thing. You gotta project being good in bed to get laid, but you gotta get laid enough to be able to experiment and get comfortable in bed to actually be good in bed. So I’m not sure how telling guys to get good in bed is gonna help them pick up chicks, because getting good in bed is heavily dependent on practice

For me, having a cool life is just something to keep my state up. getting a good sex life is nowhere near easy and it takes many thousands of sets to get good…

Nowhere

You both bring up a good point. The best way to get laid is to demonstrate the traits of a good lover (Dominance, Emotion, Variety, and Immersion). And if you are having great sex, you’ll naturally start demonstrating all of these traits.

It becomes an upward spiral towards more and better sex — you improve your sexual skills and have better sex, which makes you attract more women. This leads to more and better sex, which makes you attract more women, etc.

This is why when you talk to naturals about improving your game, they look at you like you have three heads. “Dude, getting laid is easy,” they say. “Just be cool.” And for us, getting laid IS easy. When you get far enough the upwards spiral of sex, it requires little or no effort to keep it going.

But for those who are not getting laid at all, it is much harder. Extended periods of celibacy make you give off a vibe of asexuality and desperation.

This is why the male social world is very divided between the haves and have-nots — 20% of guys get laid effortlessly by the hottest girls, while the other 80% fight over the scraps.

I am not going to lie — if you are not having sex right now, it is going to take a lot of effort to begin the upwards spiral of sex. It is similar to getting rich in a way. It’s easy to get rich when you have millions of dollars worth of stocks and bonds making income for you. The hard part is getting started, and getting those millions of dollars of stocks and bonds.

If you are at this point right now, I am not going to lie. No matter what type of game you are using, it is going to be tough to transition from the 80% have-not category to the 20% elite. Most people will fall by the wayside — they won’t have the determination to make it. But if you do, I assure you that all your hard work, rejection and frustration will be worth it in the end.

Here are a few ways that you can start getting laid and start making your way into the 20%:

1. Work to develop a sexually desired identity. Develop an identity that demonstrates excellence in one of the areas of DEVI (Dominance, Emotion, Variety or Immersion). This can be your job, although it does not have to be.

It can also be good to develop a multi-faceted identity, which can demonstrate more than one element of DEVI. For example, if I wish to display Dominance, I tell a girl that I am an amateur mixed martial arts fighter. If I wish to display Emotion, I tell her that I am a writer. If I wish to display Variety, I tell her I am an entrepreneur (shows creativeness and unpredictability). And if i want to cheat and do things the easy way, I tell her I’m a professional sex coach and give her a copy of my book

All of these things are true, and because they are part of my identity I have a leg up on every accountant and computer programmer out there before the game even really begins. If you don’t have an attractive identity right now, put some long-term effort into developing one that is attractive. Take up fighting, or art, or some activity that can be made into your new attractive identity. This can help you demonstrate sexual value even when you’re not having sex.

2. Imitate the body language, tonality and vibe of a guy with good sexual presence. The best way to learn is from a real-life role model. Make an effort to befriend a guy to whom picking up women comes easily. Watch him work, and break down what he does. What does he do to show Dominance, Emotion, etc.? How can you imitate this?

This means getting the guy’s contact info and following up and his number and asking him to hang out. Like girls of high value, guys of high value are notoriously flaky. Don’t get discouraged if they don’t show up to hang out the first couple times — persist, and confidently keep trying to get them to meet up. When they do, you’ll learn enough to justify your efforts.

3. Force yourself to physically ESCALATE and risk rejection. This is the #1 mistake made by guys who aren’t getting laid — because they lack sexual confidence, they fail to escalate when they get a chance.

If you are not getting laid right now, all your instincts will revolt against fast escalation even when logically you know that the time is right. You’ll get nervous, and start to make excuses justifying why you shouldn’t. You have got to fight through this, and force yourself to do it. Do it over and over, and develop a thick skin to rejection. It sucks and it will hurt, but there is no way around it if you want to make it into the 20%.

This is where the men are separated from the boys. Do you have the cojones to go out for months on end getting the cold shoulder, knowing that in the end you will be rewarded?

This is a good rule to follow if you are not getting laid yet: Whenever you are wondering whether or not you should do something, you should do it. If you are wondering whether you should approach a girl, you should. If you are wondering whether you should touch her right away, you should. If you are wondering whether you should shove her into the bathroom and fuck her doggy style, you should. Don’t worry about finesse in this point in your development — concentrate on overcoming fear and becoming sexually aggressive. You can refine your skills later. For now, this will be enough to start getting you laid and start the upward spiral.

4. Motivate yourself for the long term. Keep in mind that while maintaining the upward spiral is easy, starting it is very hard. Dig in for the long-term — it may be 6 months or more before you start getting sex.

Make sure that when you go out, you are having a good time — otherwise you will not be able to stick with it over a period of months and years. Celebrate milestones along your way to sex — for example, getting her number or making out with her. Don’t worry about what others are doing — concentrate on your own personal development and have faith that by steadily improving, you will get to the point where getting laid is as easy as “just being cool.”

Set a regular schedule to go out, and stick to it. A good wingman can also help motivate you at this stage. Do everything you can to make sure that you stick with your regimen for the long-term.

5. NEVER pass up opportunities for sex. Many guys who aren’t getting laid will actually pass up opportunities for sex, saying “I only go for 9s and 10s” or “I want my first time to be special.” They are living in a fantasyland of denial. The real reason why they don’t go for the girls is because they are scared of sex, and because it is easier to be dismissive of the girl than the overcome their sexual fears.

Now, having sex with girls that look like Ooompa-Loompas won’t do anything for your sexual presence. But, in order to have sex with the hottest girls, don’t pass up sex with merely attractive or even average girls. They will provide you with the sexual experience you need to attract the hottest girls. Have sex with average girls until your sexual presence is strong, and then start moving up to more and more attractive women.

6. Know what you’re doing in bed. Knowing exactly what drives a woman wild in bed will improve your sexual presence, even before you start actually having sex. You will become much more attractive when you combine your knowledge with experience, but even just knowing it will help your confidence all the same. It is like the difference between someone with a map trying to find his way, and someone aimlessly poking about in the dark. The BEST situation would be to be experienced with the area AND have a map, but having a map is infinitely better than knowing nothing.

And I am not going to mince words — My book is by far the best book on sex that you can buy right now. Other sex authors are not on my level, nor are they even close. I am the only one teaching my material in real life, and I am the only one who teaches a sexual METHOD. Not a collection of random tips, but complete and comprehensive METHOD.

And with the new 30 day money-back guarantee on the Method, I invite you to prove me wrong. Read the entire book, and if it don’t agree that it is the best thing that you have ever read on sex, you don’t pay. I can do this because I know that all I have to do is put my book in your hands, and you’ll be glad to have it.

-Dan

The Sex God Method Book

The Sexual Confidence Bootcamp Website

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