For me, sex vs. social skills in an inner game vs. outer game distinction. Social skills are important, to be sure. In my opinion, inner game is more important, but you definitely also need social skills to get laid.

The reason why I think sex is the best way to build inner game is because of my experiences. I originally subscribed to the theory that general self-improvement is the way to improve this inner game. However, I’ve found that this theory does not pan out in real life.

The most skilled natural I know has no hobbies, no job, and drinks and smokes entirely too much. He has family money, but is poor because he wastes it all on drugs, drunk driving fines, etc. His social skills are decent, but nothing extraordinary. But yet, he can attract beautiful, intelligent women with no effort. He’s not particularly good looking, but he just has that presence that attracts girls to him. And from living in the room next to him for a year and hearing his girls talk about how good sex with him was, I knew this confidence came from being good in bed.

Other naturals I know are not this extreme where they are actively fucking up the rest of their lives, but they are usually mediocre at everything else besides attracting women and having sex with them.

Where else, I have another friend who has a great, well-balanced life. He trains martial arts, is in great shape, and has won many tournaments. He’s also very intelligent, an entrepreneur, and has started his own successful software company. His social skills are very good, and he has a much larger social circle than I do myself. But yet, he can’t attract women. He’s constantly in dry spells, and gives off an asexual, platonic vibe.

Now, I personally want to be good in other areas of my life besides attracting women and keeping them in relationships. But in my experience, my self-improvement in other areas hasn’t done anything for my inner game. Before I started doing all this, I had seen success in other areas of my life. I was at the top of my class academically, wrote fiction as a hobby, and ran and lifted weights religiously. But yet, when I tried to approach a girl the fear would overcome me. Somehow, my success didn’t carry over.

Where else, when I improved my sexual skills I noticed a marked decrease in approach anxiety, nervousness, and hesitancy. I noticed that I could attract higher quality women while expending less effort.

This is why I believe so strongly in the power of sex to improve your inner game — my experience and those of my friends have shown me that it works.

And thanks for the comments…I find that I can express my views much better in a discussion than a monologue.

-Dan

I want to make it clear that I think gaining sexual skill may be very powerful to focus on(I recently found your blog and still trying to figure out if I ‘buy it’…if you haven’t noticed yet, I’m a juggler method kind of guy!). The only thing I find I disagree with to a point would still be the whole confidence thing.

I agree that while becoming good at tap dancing will pretty much only increase your confidence about tap dancing, but becoming confident about several things will cause you to become confident about yourself in general. When you become confident about yourself in general your self esteem goes up and you are naturally more confident in all situations because you are now better at coping with things that make you uncomfortable….and certain things that used to make you uncomfortable will no longer have that effect on you.

In social psychology (what I am studying), self esteem is viewed as a pool of resources for facing adversity. The higher a persons self esteem, the more problems/stress that person can overcome before they really get to him/her. By becoming confident in multiple areas of life, you increase your self esteem and thus are less afraid of problems, in this case that may be cold approaching that woman at the store or the fear of rejection.

When I started with the community years ago, learning about ways to improve my sex would not have helped me much at all. In the beginning, I think people need to reach a very competent point of social skills. THEN, when they are seeing some success because they are able to attract girls with their personality/social skills/natural game/whatever you want to call it, is the perfect time to switch focus on to your sexual prowess.

This is actually the point where I think I am, but I am still unsure on buying your sex revolution handbook. Some of your stuff seems the ‘become more manly, be a macho man’ type, which I don’t particularly agree with all that much, but on the other hand, you write a lot of good stuff…..if you could point me out to what you think your stuff is really about, I would much appreciate it.

Wow, this post got long quickly!